im ilterally making myself physically ill with this crushing anxiety and sadness tonight. im not prepared for school tomorrow and i dont know how im gonna get to the place i need to get to i literally have no clue! everyone who could drive me that im actually friends with is in rehearsal or tech and i feel physically sick. i kinda wanna use this physical illness as a reason to not go to school tomorrow but i know i would regret that. i just like… dont know what to do… any of the time… and im really freaked out and scared and sad right now i dont know why this is happening to me
i feel sick with sadness right now. all i do on this blog is complain but thats really what its for i guess so. sorry. i feel ill with how sad i am tonight. i made myself very sad with the last post thinking about loneliness and now my video wont upload and thats making me really unreasonably sad. i keep looking up opportunities for film and spoken word and art in my city and i get inspired and then sad because i realize i have no way to get there. i have no way to get to the place im supposed to get to tomorrow and i dont know what to do about that? i think if there is no other option i might drive my moms car there because i think it would be fine tbh. i dont know. im freaked out and scared and very sad.
literally every single moment of the day today i was like im so incredibly gay and not a single person knows other than the people who read my blog what a waste of figuring out my sexuality tbh
im…. so gay…… what the hell…….
first truly horrible day of the year not even made it through all of september yet. i feel heavy and horrible and im so fucking EXHAUSTED i just really need to sleep.